I am A submissive…not YOUR submissive


I am A submissive. I am not YOUR submissive. I really don’t care how long you have been in the community. I truly don’t care how much experience you have. Your expectation of what a submissive needs to be may not match the kind of submissive that I am. I am a natural submissive. I am also an Alpha Submissive who knows exactly what I want, what I need and how I want to serve. I refuse to top from the bottom because I am a follower who needs to be given the safe place to shut off my brain. I need a Dominant who understands my needs and knows not only how to fill them, but that finds his needs met in the process. I NEED to give my submission, but I will not disrespect myself by settling for anything or anyone who does not meet my needs or does not treat me with respect. I will NOT be judged by any Dominant who cannot or chooses not to understand this. I am not yours to judge. I am not yours to criticize. I am not yours to punish. I cannot trust or respect anyone who thinks otherwise.

In my opinion, finding the Dominant that is right for any submissive is not any different than vanilla dating. OMG…the Dom wants to dominate me…I must submit immediately because of this great honor! FUCK THAT SHIT. Seriously, what makes him worthy of my submission, my trust, my adoration? Sometimes you know on that very first date that there is no way that this is going to go anywhere. Other times, it may take a few dates and a play session or two to know the same. Sometimes you are fooled and fall for the egotistical narcissist. There may even be the time when you just need to play without the intention of a relationship. Oh my god…it’s a hook-up. What…a…slut. Fuck off if that’s what you think. Yeah, I had one of those too. It was an amazingly fun night and I don’t regret it for a second. Sometimes, you receive an unexpected message and just click. Sometimes you meet for coffee and find that the connection is exactly what you were looking for. Sometimes you allow your walls to crumble down all around you because you know that this incredible man is offering everything you need and what you offer is what he seeks in return. Sometimes you find yourself giving your gift of submission and accepting his ownership sooner than what friends think you should. Sometimes they forget that they do not know what has transpired in private to make you feel safe, allowing you to make this decision. Sometimes they forget that you are a grown ass woman who is smart and her brain processes situations at a constant rate, always thinking about her safety and vulnerability but knowing that you have to take a leap of faith on occasion. Sometimes you don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks when this miraculous event happens. I am happy. Don’t you dare try to steal that from me. 

The important part is that one recognizes when a relationship is not right for them and moves on instead of stringing someone along or feeling trapped in a relationship that isn’t healthy. I have done some dating this year. Yes, these men were all wonderful people (I reserve the right to say that one most certainly was not) who were not a good match for me but are making another submissive very happy. I continue to have respect for them and want nothing more than to know that they have found happiness. I enjoyed the company of a wonderful Dominant whose needs I could not meet. Another who could never meet mine. I gave another a fair chance, attempted to submit even but I could not trust his leadership or ability to keep me safe. Perhaps people need to understand that you can’t believe everything you see and that things happen behind closed doors that you don’t know about. Sometimes people act one way in public and so very differently at home. Sometimes they like to act like they want to learn and even play the role when you are watching just to go back to being arrogant and looking down their nose at those who tried to help. Sometimes the dominant act ends the minute the car door closes, and he becomes his vanilla and judgmental self when no one in the community is watching, making the sub miserable and defensive of her friends.  Sometimes people just don’t like to admit that they fell for the same bullshit that I did. Yet, I am now a bad submissive because I took my life back and will not allow someone to make me feel bad about myself in order to make themselves feel like a real Dominant. Sometimes people like to discuss this and judge you because you didn’t sit at home crying about your loss and instead moved on and continued your search for happiness. I also would have been called a fool to stay in a relationship like this. Sometimes, you just can’t win. I will never allow myself to be a victim. No one has the right to judge me for leaving a relationship that I can describe as nothing less than mentally abusive. Period. There are some absolutely amazing men whom I have had the pleasure of meeting and befriending that are not and never will be good matches for me. There is nothing wrong with that. We all have different kinks and different needs from a D/s dynamic. I’m not judging your needs. You don’t get to judge mine.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a brat. Don’t mistake my strength for brattiness. I am not your submissive, therefore I do not follow your rules. You are just another male in the room. You will receive the same respect that I give to everyone human. Here is the thing about me. I cannot give my full submission and tear down my carefully built walls of protection to someone who cannot provide the boundaries and leadership that I require. I need boundaries, rules, and structure. When I respect and trust a Dominant, I will happily stay within those boundaries and follow every damn rule down to the letter. Will I test the boundaries just a little every now and then? Hell yes, I will. I need to know that they are real and that you are going to keep me in them as promised. If my Dominant can provide this in our dynamic, he is rewarded with my respect, trust, adoration, and total compliance. 

Yes, I have moved on. Will this be the lasting D/s relationship that I have been seeking? Maybe…maybe not. Sometimes you have to take a chance and see what happens. For now…I have rules. I have boundaries. I have given my submission and trust to an amazing Dominant. My Master, in turn, has provided a safe place and the structure that I need. I do not test his boundaries. This is not out of fear of punishment rather it is my need to please him and to ensure that he is proud to own me.  I love having these boundaries and want to comply. I accept his ownership and I trust him to lead me to the place he knows that I need to be. I know my place. I am happy. Don’t rain on my fucking parade.

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